Preamble
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read a book of quotations. --Winston Churchill

Not this one. "I Am Not A Corpse" is a quote book that attempts to fill a much-needed void: the chasm between fact and fiction. It is history and culture, disingenuous and misinformed. This is the book that strives to uneducate the great washed.

A note on methodology
The academic community will be pleased to learn that this ambitious work of revisionist history conforms to the established historical method. Once invented, each quote was scrupulously researched. For example: countless hours were spent scouring through Napoleon's official archives and private papers (using primary sources whenever possible) to make certain he never said the words: "Damn that Count de' Custárd. I must invent a dessert of my own."

That tedious process was applied to each entry herein. And when this work takes its place in the canon of Western literature, that effort will be repaid with the gratitude of contemporary academics and historians yet unborn.