K

Kavorkian, Jack
suicide doctor

Today is the last day of the rest of your life.
--inspirational waiting room sign

Call now and be dead by Christmas! Guaranteed.
--holiday season promotion

Kenevil, Evel
daredevil

What are you crazy? I got a wife and kids.
--refusing to fly on USAir

Kennedy, Edward M. (Ted)
U.S. Senator

Mother, when do I get to be president?
--adolescent gripe

Kennedy, John Fitzgerald
35th U.S. President

I got so plastered last night, I went home with some broad who looked like J. Edgar Hoover.
--confession to secret service agent

I know it’s a lot of crap, Bobby. The only ‘missile gap’ is the one in Nixon’s pants.
--following 1960 presidential debate

It's not that I don't find you attractive, but my father wouldn't approve.
--letting Golda Meir down easy

Key, Francis Scott
composer, The Star Bangled Banner

Hey, it beats Yankee Doodle!
--main selling point

Keynes, John Maynard
Keynesian economic theorist

I could have had a V8!
--discovering "opportunity costs"

Khomeini, Ayatollah
Iranian theo-dictator

Extremism in defense of extremism is no vice!
--Despot Nominating Convention, Tehran, 1972

Kid, Billy the
outlaw

Your honor, I just assumed I'd be tried as a minor.

King, Larry
Interviewer

Caller, what's the question?
--answering machine message

King, Martin Luther, Jr.
Civil Rights Leader

The food is lousy in here.
--postcard from Birmingham Jail

King, Stephen
horror novelist

Please excuse my son from gym today. His body and soul have been possessed by a Satanic force unleashed by a disturbance in a local tribal burial ground.

Kinsey, Alfred
sexual behaviorist

Psst. Down here. Under the bed. Mind if I ask you two a few questions?

Kirk, Captain James T.
Star Fleet Commander

I’m not only captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise. I’m also a client.

Kissinger, Henry
global player

World power is an aphrodisiac.

Klein, Calvin
fashion designer

Screw you and the horse you rode in on.
--nasty words for Ralph Lauren

Koop, C. Everett
former Surgeon General

Also avoid inhaling second hand Vicks Vapor Rub.
--Surgeon's General's Report, 1987

Koresh, David
homicidal cult leader

Am I crazy or is it hot in here?

Kreskin, The Amazing
mentalist

Joyce, I can name that tune in no notes.
--game show appearance

Kuralt, Charles
television journalist

1.6 billion miles @25¢/mi = $40,000,000
--final expense report