S

Sacco, Nicola
anarchist

Let's blow up this popsicle stand.
--remark to Vanzetti

Sam, Uncle
recruiter of men

I want you! (If you want me, keep it to yourself.)
-- clarifying "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" policy

Sanders, Colonel
war hero turned poultry king

The Strategies and Recipes of China's General Tso
--West Point term paper

Sandwich, John Montagu
English Earl

Absolutely delicious!
Note: placing roasted meats between bread slices, rather than vice versa, may reduce messiness.
--notes from food laboratory

Schweitzer, Albert
humanitarian physician

I gave at the office.

Seinfeld, Jerry
comedian

Some men see things as they are and ask "why?"

Shakespeare, William
English playwright

Fuck ye.
--nasty letter to theatre critic.

Simmons, Richard
fitness fanatic

If I couldn’t exercise, I’d just go bonkers!

Simpson, O.J.
suspected athlete

And I would have gotten away with it too. If it weren't for you rotten kids and your mangy dog snooping around here!!

Sinatra, Frank
crooner

And now, your end is near. And so you face your final curtain.
--last words to Sammy "The Lungfish" Lillatello

Mark my words, boys: gangtsa rap. It’s the next big thing.

Siskel, Gene
movie critic

No Mom. It’s me -- Siskel. Ebert’s the fat one.

Sisyphus
futility personified

Zero bottles of beer on the wall.
Zero bottles of beer .
If one of those bottles should happen to fall,
Zero bottles of beer on the wall.

A hundred bottles of beer on the wall,
A hundred bottles of beer........
--work song

Skinner, B.F.
behavioral psychologist

Kids, no dessert until you finish your pellets.

Skipper, the
castaway

I know I'm the one responsible for you being shipwrecked, Mrs. Howell. But there's got to be another way for me to make it up to you. --the lost episode of Gilligan's Island

see also: Howell, Mrs. Thurston III

Smith, Adam
free market economic theorist

See this? I’m giving you the invisible finger.
--responding to criticism of his laissez-faire economic theory

Smith, Liz
gossip columnist

Afterwards, my counselor Marcy Plotnick made Trudy Arnold, Angela Romano and me clean up the entire art shack. Then Doris "D-Cup" Fenster stopped in and just happened to mention that she'd be going to the Boys Camp Cook-Out with dreamboat Tommy Feltham. --letter home from camp, age 9

Socrates
philosopher

Is this glass of hemlock half full or half empty?
--last philosophical question

Virtue is knowledge. Ergo: find dumb women.
--finding practical applications for his philosophy

Sorensen, Ted
JFK speechwriter

What can you do for your country? Don't ask.
--first draft

Spock, Mister
Star Fleet Command

Mister Spock? Mr. Spock is my father. Please, call me Dave

St. Francis of Assisi
saint

Who are you calling Assisi?

Stalin, Joseph
Soviet dictator

1. Complete toilet training
2. Learn Russian
3. Purge my family
--his first Five Year Plan

Steinbrenner, George
owner, New York Yankees

How about a little credit for hiring so many managers?

What do you mean "I can't"?
--unsuccessful attempt to fire the manager of the St. Louis Cardinals

Stewart, Martha
lifestyle expert

Disposable diapers are fine but many mothers are going back to traditional cloth diapers.
--first words

Stone, Sharon
movie star

Is there a window open? I feel a draft.

Strassberg, Lee
acting coach

Be the waiter.

Streisand, Barbra
entertainer

A Vision for Multilateral Diplomacy in a Meshugeneh World -- address to U.N. General Assembly

Superman
man of steel

I swear that’s never happened to me before............ Are you sure your nightie isn’t a kryptonite blend?
--embarrassing moment