Aaron to Avogadro

Bacchus to
Buttafuoco

Caesar to
Cap’n Crunch

D’Amato to
Dukakis

Earheart to Eve

Fonda to Freud

(Kenny) G. to
Gutenberg

Hammurabi to
Hussein

Isabella

Jackson to
Johnson

Kavorkian to
Kreskin

Laffer – Locke

MacArthur to
Mussolini

Napoleon to
Nostradamus

Oedipus to
Oswald

Pasteur to
Pythagoras

Quayle to Queeg

Raleigh to Ruth

Sacco to
Superman

Tarzan to
Tse-Tung

Unabomber
(see also K)

Valdez to
Virgin Mary

Waldheim to
Wright

Xerxes to
Malcolm X

Yeltsin

Zeus

booknotes

Caesar to Cap'n Crunch

C

Caesar, Julius
Roman Emperor

Pizza! Pizza!
--first words

OK, one more time. What do I do when I get to the Rubicon?
--pulling over for directions on his way back from Gaul

No anchovies!
--ordering salad


Caligula
libertine Roman emperor

Veni. Veni. Veni.


Camel, Joe
animated smoking advocate

Larry Lead Paint Chip
"Airplane Glue" Jack
Ricky Runwithscissors

--other aliases


Capone, Al
gangster

Reward your friends, punish your enemies and save your receipts.
--advice to Al Jr.


Carson, Johnny
talk show king emeritus

For Chrissakes Ed, have a breath mint.


Casanova
legendary lover

I'll have a pack of ribbed Trojans, a tube of KY Jelly -- family size -- Vitamin E supplements......oh, and uh, uh, a bottle of Head-N-Shoulders.
--awkward teenage moment in a drug store


Castro, Fidel
Cuban dictator

Close but no cigar.
--telegram to JFK following Bay of Pigs invasion


cummings, e.e.
poet

if only i -- could sell acouple
of lousy p-o-e-m-s; ,
i could afford toget this
(damn)typewriter fixed.


Chamberlain, Wilt
basketball legend

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Happy Valentine's Day
# 9072


Chanel, Coco
fashion entrepreneur

Perfume No. 4 smells like goat cheese. Must keep trying.
--diary entry, 1919

 


Charles, Prince
aspiring Monarch

The Geek formerly known as Prince
--future title


Child, Julia
television gourmet

Of course, for those preparing this dish at home, fresh pate' is preferable to pureed Spam.
--making due with PBS cutbacks


Christ, Jesus
founder of Christianity

I'm sorry, Luke, I didn't know you were serving fish. I'll just turn it into a sauvignon blanc.
-- showing up at the Last Supper

I will be bigger than The Beatles.
--John 5:8


Churchill, Winston
British Prime Minister

Can you get blood, toil, tears and sweat out of this shirt?
--inquiry to dry cleaner


Clark, Dick
television personality

For Chrissakes Ed, have a breath mint.


Claus, Santa
Christmas courier

Yeah right. And I’m Santa Claus.
--meeting the Easter Bunny

I wish I had a present for you Timmy, but I’m afraid I just don’t believe ?in little boys.
--favorite taunt


Clinton, Hillary Rodham
First Lady

When I speak, E.F. Hutton listens.


Clinton, William Jefferson (Bill)
42nd U.S. President

You gonna finish that?
--remark to Francois Mitterand, State Dinner

No shirt. No shoes. No service.
--fallback position on controversial military personnel policy


Cochran, Johnnie
defense attorney

Honey, I know I'm late for dinner but I have a very plausible alibi.


Columbus, Christopher
explorer

We'll have the chicken tandoori, curried rice and a vegetable samosa.
--odd remark to the natives of San Salvador


Confucius
philosopher

An enigma wrapped inside a conundrum baked inside a tasty, lemony crust.
--recipe for fortune cookie


Cousteau, Jacques
oceanographer

Retournez le bateau. Tu as oublie d'apporter la sauce tartatr, espece d'idiot!
--translation: Turn back the vessel! You forgot to pack the tartar sauce, you idiot!


Crunch, Cap'n
cereal-loving seaman

Land ho! Prepare to go ashore for fresh milk and crunchberries, maties!